You know, after that last really whiny post, I thought a lot about my job. And, I've had some really amazing experiences while there. Thinking back to some posts of my sisters and my Aunt Lynda..... Lynda talked about life being a garbage truck and not getting dumped on. My work is like that a lot. And then some of my sisters talked about how being a mom is a combination of the really hard with the really wonderful. For the most part, mommy hood is just wonderful to me. I don't think I have enough time at home to really freak out around the kids. But, work is some of the highs and lows.
It has been hard for me lately. There has been one woman in my ward who has been rather nasty to me about it. You know, "I'm a stay at home mom because I make
sacrifices. And women who work don't know how to
sacrifice for their kids." If my situation allowed, I would be a stay at home mom. I've just had to come to grips that working is what God has planned
for me.
At my job, I encounter some of the worst of human society: The drug addicts standing in the hallway screaming at me "Get me my drugs you f$@&* b*$%h!" Sickos with every type of object stuck in every orifice. The worst are the perverts who like to brag about what they've done to land themselves in jail. The pitiful: the kids who go home, knowing they'll die in less than a week. All because they knew they couldn't stop taking heroin for one week, just to stay in the hospital for antibiotics. The young moms who come back time after time for attempted suicide. I look at it all and I think, God, where is your fireball? Because we are
READY!
Then, I see the most amazing of human qualities. We really are worth saving. Children in Halloween costumes screaming in the hallways, going to show Grandma or Grandpa their loot. Carolers visiting complete strangers. The young mother who lost her child, comforting those around her, giving them the plan of happiness. The ward that embraces the family that newly moves in. Staying at the wife's side 24 hours a day as her husband goes through chemo. The one that will stay with me always: The woman dying of cancer, heard the cries of a mentally retarded man in the room next to her, scared to be in the hospital. She had her children wheel her into his room every day to hug him, talk to him, calm him. She died during that stay. Her children still visit that young man and care for him, are the family that he doesn't have. I am still in awe at her strength, even while her body's strength gave out.
I have times like the last few weeks. Where the Lord puts it all into perspective. You see, the Lord has put me in charge of the care of His children, He has literally put their lives in my hands. And, whether or not I have prepared myself, whether or not I am worthy, He guides me on a daily basis. Every nurse knows about this. The ones who are not religious call it their gut instinct. It has nothing to do with instinct, but everything to do with that precious soul. I can't tell you what a blessing that inspiration is. I recently had someone ask me, how do you know? How do you prepare yourself to be so in touch to know what to say and how to act? I could only answer honestly, that it is not me, but God, and he will not let ANYONE fail. Any nurse would do the same, because it is what God wills.
I have had precious moments in the hospital as tender as those in the temple. I have witnessed the veil part as I have sat with dear friends as they have died. And, I am grateful that I was blessed to be present. Some experiences, are so precious to me, I feel I shouldn't even write them here.
So, my wonderful family.... This is why I work, this is why I choose to be a nurse. And, I want you to know, how wonderful you are. For, I know what you are worth. I know what the Lord will do for you and how dear you are to Him.
And, for those of my sisters who are struggling right now, if you are worth that much to Him, aren't you truly AMAZING? I love you!