Thursday, December 4, 2008

You know, after that last really whiny post, I thought a lot about my job. And, I've had some really amazing experiences while there. Thinking back to some posts of my sisters and my Aunt Lynda..... Lynda talked about life being a garbage truck and not getting dumped on. My work is like that a lot. And then some of my sisters talked about how being a mom is a combination of the really hard with the really wonderful. For the most part, mommy hood is just wonderful to me. I don't think I have enough time at home to really freak out around the kids. But, work is some of the highs and lows.
It has been hard for me lately. There has been one woman in my ward who has been rather nasty to me about it. You know, "I'm a stay at home mom because I make sacrifices. And women who work don't know how to sacrifice for their kids." If my situation allowed, I would be a stay at home mom. I've just had to come to grips that working is what God has planned
for me.
At my job, I encounter some of the worst of human society: The drug addicts standing in the hallway screaming at me "Get me my drugs you f$@&* b*$%h!" Sickos with every type of object stuck in every orifice. The worst are the perverts who like to brag about what they've done to land themselves in jail. The pitiful: the kids who go home, knowing they'll die in less than a week. All because they knew they couldn't stop taking heroin for one week, just to stay in the hospital for antibiotics. The young moms who come back time after time for attempted suicide. I look at it all and I think, God, where is your fireball? Because we are
READY!
Then, I see the most amazing of human qualities. We really are worth saving. Children in Halloween costumes screaming in the hallways, going to show Grandma or Grandpa their loot. Carolers visiting complete strangers. The young mother who lost her child, comforting those around her, giving them the plan of happiness. The ward that embraces the family that newly moves in. Staying at the wife's side 24 hours a day as her husband goes through chemo. The one that will stay with me always: The woman dying of cancer, heard the cries of a mentally retarded man in the room next to her, scared to be in the hospital. She had her children wheel her into his room every day to hug him, talk to him, calm him. She died during that stay. Her children still visit that young man and care for him, are the family that he doesn't have. I am still in awe at her strength, even while her body's strength gave out.
I have times like the last few weeks. Where the Lord puts it all into perspective. You see, the Lord has put me in charge of the care of His children, He has literally put their lives in my hands. And, whether or not I have prepared myself, whether or not I am worthy, He guides me on a daily basis. Every nurse knows about this. The ones who are not religious call it their gut instinct. It has nothing to do with instinct, but everything to do with that precious soul. I can't tell you what a blessing that inspiration is. I recently had someone ask me, how do you know? How do you prepare yourself to be so in touch to know what to say and how to act? I could only answer honestly, that it is not me, but God, and he will not let ANYONE fail. Any nurse would do the same, because it is what God wills.
I have had precious moments in the hospital as tender as those in the temple. I have witnessed the veil part as I have sat with dear friends as they have died. And, I am grateful that I was blessed to be present. Some experiences, are so precious to me, I feel I shouldn't even write them here.
So, my wonderful family.... This is why I work, this is why I choose to be a nurse. And, I want you to know, how wonderful you are. For, I know what you are worth. I know what the Lord will do for you and how dear you are to Him.
And, for those of my sisters who are struggling right now, if you are worth that much to Him, aren't you truly AMAZING? I love you!

9 comments:

The Northwest Bunch said...

I was crying as I read your post. Just because you have to work does not make you any less as a mother who does not. I believe you have to sacrifice more. You do a great job with all the choices that are placed before you. Your children are stronger and realize sacrifice more than any one. I applaud you!!!

sherry said...

Thanks, Kristi, I needed that today. I have wondered myself how you can put up with your job, and it is good to get some perspective. You are a great mom, and a sweet example to your family.

Shelli said...

Thank you for sharing a very beautiful post today. What a great way to start my day. I discovered for myself that when I have to follow a less than traditional path, there are always hidden blessings. Especially if it's not something I want to do, but I have to do. I agree, the Lord knows us and He knows our hearts, and he blesses us accordingly. I'm glad you're doing a service that brings you joy as well as difficult times.

Jim Proffitt said...

Thank you for bringing perspective to a sometimes goofy world.
You bring me joy.
Dad

Ginger said...

You have such a beautiful way of saying things. I too was brought to tears. You are doing God's work and nothing is more important than that. Both at home and at the hospital. When I have been so involved with the many funerals, I also have been shown how deep His love is for his precious children. I think when the veil is thin and someone is close to death we get a peek at life eternal and the unconditional love we receive from our Father in Heaven. It is wonderful that you have gained that understanding and perspective so early in your life. I am amazed at you. Is this really my little Kristi-fritzel? You are a wonderful woman and a great mother.

DANI KYNASTON said...

It is nice to remind ourselves of what is most important. Thanksgiving is a great reminder of the need for gratitude. I know that I too sometimes focus on the negative, but there really is too much beauty in the world to do that. Perspective is such a blessing.

Lynda said...

What a moving and wonderful post. I too was crying as I read it. Having been one of those moms who worked, I do believe as the Northwest bunch said, that you sacrifice more. Not to say stay at home moms don't sacrafice for their children. But those of us who work, do much of the same things those stay at home moms do, in an amazingly smaller amount of time.
It sounds to me as if God has given you a wonderful place to stay in touch with your humanity and to see what your purpose in life is. You see the awful, but you also see the wonderful. It is nice to have such balance in your life.
If I had to be in the hospital to die, I'd want someone like you to take care of me.
You're amazing. I agree with your parents... but also give them some credit for the person you have become.
xxoo

Nutsonurse said...

Thank you Kristi for putting some of the thoughts and feelings nurses have into words. That is exactly how so many of us feel. See, told ya, you are made to do it. Love you.

Juli said...

Kristi, You are amazing!!! We all love you so much!